Heck No Pooh's Adventures

My more mature response to self-proclaimed Yakko’s violent behaviour towards Scooby-Doo and The Dark Crystal. But Jay Sherman didn’t stop there, and neither will I. I haven’t even riffed Benny, Leo and Johnny’s Adventures of Beauty and the Beast yet.

If you didn’t like my commentaries on the previous videos, then you’re in luck. Let the WTF Boredom Reactors take care of this one.

• 0:13 No wonder the grammar was so cheesy.
• 4:25 You think? *holds a blood-stained knife*
• 4:30 And I would like to thank you for making them such unlikable assholes.
• 4:41 Yes, Pooh even invaded a documentary. No one is safe, kids.
• 4:52 NOPE
• 4:59 EVEN MORE NOPE
• 5:12 Here! Keep my NOPE!
• 5:21 Take my WHY, too.
• 5:32 Great?
• 5:42 *hangs from the ceiling*
• 5:47 *falls down*
• 6:00 The true heroes. Shame they’re all going to die…
• 6:56 Remember in my parody video when I used a clip of CG Pooh Bear? well…

Comments:

• “yakko, THAT….was incredible. you put that KH cut scene to arvelous use”
• “"Wow. AWESOME CREDITS. AND NICE BONUS ENDING WITH HADES, JAFAR, IAGO, URSULA, THE DUKE, JOKER, HARLEY QUINN AND MALEFICENT. AND NICE LIST OF UPCOMING PROJECTS. AND YOU MADE A WINNIE THE POOH CROSSOVER WITH AN EPISODE OF HENRY’S AMAZING ANIMALS?! NO WAY! THAT’S AMAZING. I LOVE HENRY’S AMAZING ANIMALS. I USED TO WATCH THAT SHOW WHEN I WAS A KID.”

Okay. My ranting isn’t effective enough. Like my last commentaries, was totally ridiculous, childish, over the top, repetitive, generally unfunny, obsessive over my personal interests, less logical than Sony-Mae and not as much criticism as it was a hell of a lot of role-playing, but when a two-and-a-half hour video is this torturous, and the comments are this questionable, your behaviour really suits it. So, what did I think of The Dark Crystal’s butchery?

• Misplaced characters: 
• Dumbing down:
• Drinking games:
• Engrish: 
• Irrelevance:

Overall: 4.4/5

Something I wouldn’t really cheat at. 0.22/10. This is basically why when you go on your own, the audience feels suspense. With Pooh’s Adventures, however, only the poorest of taste would find something to enjoy. The Dark Crystal was not supposed to be a departure from the happy-go-lucky mood of The Muppet Movie - does everything need to be taken over by a once-adored teddy bear?

Pooh’s Adventures is a stalk over our childhood memories, turning the biggest brains of cartoon history into simple-minded douchebags, and while it’s better not to watch it, it’s sickening to see it done to death. It doesn’t improve movies, it just makes everything terrible. And seeing how of all the characters they could choose it has to be Pooh, I may have a form of autism (and it figures, seeing what I just typed up the whole way through these things), but when it’s this restrained (which is not at all), then it’s one of the stupidest fandoms ever experienced on YouTube and everywhere else. Ironically, this ain’t over. I’ll explain the rest in a language those Pooh splicers can understand in a few posts time. Join me after that as I re-experience Beauty and the Beast. In furry-D!

Pooh’s Adventures of the Dark Crystal: Part 16. The second-to-last part. And thank the Gods.

• 2:25 After so much waiting… *now has £50 (although he’s just pretending that since he’s ruining the blog with his oddities)*
• 2:27 If I had extra for every time he said that…
• 2:37 Sure thing!
• 2:41 POOH: We didn’t die!
• 2:45 AUGHRA: You failed to get rid of the toons, Jen. Now you will be stuck with them for eternity. If the sequel does come, that is.
• 3:47 *takes a sip* Hopefully, the game is finished.
• 4:33 SHY: Darn it.
• 4:40 *holds up a knife* But some cartoons will be harmed when this is finished.
• 5:19 What Pooh and his friend didn’t know was that the welcome was actually a punishment for ruining the movie so horribly.
• 5:45 A sad, sad ending. I was expecting better. Because I don’t like Winnie the Pooh anymore thanks to these stupid videos. *he’s joking about that, too*
• 6:11 JEN: Take this, you irrelevant scum! *punches Owl and Gopher*

Comments:

• “This so beautiful. I’m so loving the ending. I could cry at a time like this.”
• “Great ending! I can’t wait for the end credits!”
• “BRAVO! BRAVO! BRAVO! ;) Nice job on this crossover, Yakko. You were even more perfect than I expected.”

Pooh’s Adventures of the Dark Crystal: Part 15: In Which the Toons Turn Out to Be Villains After All, or So I Would Pretend Seeing As the Obviousness and Filler They Bring Into Their Adventures Seem More Like an Illuminati Plot.

• 0:03 In the world of Pooh’s Adventures, it doesn’t matter what you wear. As long as you’re making a decent reaction shot.
• 1:02 JEN: I, and I only.
• 2:21 JEN: Well, it was good while it lasted.
• 2:58 POOH: We will live forever!
• 3:02 ALL TOONS: We will live forever!
• 3:11 SHY: Oh, good. It’s Fizzgig. Here to interrupt our chanting.
• 3:12 TTARK: His barking will disrupt our chance of being annoying any longer!
• 3:14 TIP: You better be quiet, Fizzgig. The Great Conjunction does not need your yapping!
• 3:28 *sips his drink* Why couldn’t I do this before?
• 3:29 GARFIELD: The party is ruined!
• 3:35 *sips it yet again*
• 3:43 *and again*
• 3:50 *and again*
• 4:12 POOH: Pleased to meet you again, Gelfling. *gets repeated to say “and creatures”* It’s been quite a while. Now, prepare to meet your absolute doom - a gasping montage! Ha ha ha ha!
• 4:34 Of course Poky’s happy about it. Why wouldn’t he be?
• 4:44 You called him Zurg. Aaagh.
• 4:55 BUZZ: Works every time.
• 6:04 POOH: She had it coming. Now, are you ready, fellas?
• 6:16 POOH: Woody! You ruined it. Traitor.
• 6:41 JEN: Sorry, but I don’t take my advice from bad editing!
• 6:46 *earns another tenner* There really wasn’t that much…
• 7:24 JEN: I sure didn’t miss this in part 14.

What? That would at least make a better twist to the story! After all, that icon I’m using was taken from something with a point.

Comments:

• “That was an Epic of excitement! :)”

Pooh’s Adventures of the Dark Crystal: Part 14: In Which the Video Goes From Seemingly Regular to Mind-Meltingly BAD.

• 0:06 Man, this guy’s copy of Windows Movie maker must be really laggy.
• 0:20 The most logical thing you could say is “He’s okay!”
• 1:19 If you used that slo-mo effect now, then why couldn’t you do it wheAw, crud.
• 1:24 And now comes evidence of a huge plothole.
• 1:28 I second that “What”.
• 1:32 Your editing ain’t fooling us. WE KNOW IT’S SID.
• 1:39 *slams his head on the radiator*
• 1:42 WHAT IS GOING ON?! IS THE SKEKSIS TALKING OR WOODY? AND WHAT’S WITH SID?!
• 1:50 *gets a headache*
• 1:56 Good lordy. This sucks!
• 2:07 This is so confusing that I forgot how to paint.
• 2:18 *sits in the corner and cries* Why? Why? What is happening? Who is the real antagonist here?
• 2:35 Just pretend that Skeksis is debeaked…
• 2:45 Woody, earlier ago, you were talking to Mystery Inc. the first time you saw them. Do you remember?
• 3:34 You just made the fact that this is supposed to be “The Legend of Sheriff Piglet” even clearer.
• 4:06 You just walked out of a saloon.
• 4:31 AUGHRA: According to Jen, I believe you have just experienced it.
• 4:37 RABBIT: …or I’m not walking in the snow!
• 4:49 *takes a single sip*
• 5:52 JEN: Well, at least there’s no one here to say “behind you”!
• 6:45 JEN: Oh, how great it feels to go solo. I feel like a new Gelfling!
• 7:25 *sips again*
• 7:29 JEN: *in his mind* Oh, I sure do hope it’s only Kira…
• 7:33 AUGHRA: Or came, in their cases.
• 8:39 JEN: And I found without any cartoons pestering me!

Comments:

• “What Winnie the Pooh episode was that from 4:06 to 4:12? I love this one from 7:38 to 8:17. But here’s a question. Totally tricky. Why did the UrRu just chanted a long chant that made Garthim soldiers back down? Well, that was nice of Garthim letting UrRu pass.”
• (the creator’s response) “(imitating Tigger) Oh Shucks. It was nothing at all. And did you liked the way that I dubbed the scientist with Sid Phillip’s voice?”

Pooh’s Adventures of the Dark Crystal: Part 13, the second part to currently stand with two dislikes. *rubs his stomach* And pretty soon I’m going to lose two subscribers.

• 0:17 What?
• 0:24 Oh. Forgot that this thing is a western.
• 0:54 *slams his head on the desk repeatedly*
• 1:03 *drinks another whole glass*
• 1:11 *drinks yet another* Cut it out, you piece of crap, you!
• 1:22 *drinks* Oh, if only I were drunk…
• 1:45 *drinks again, but notices something* Wait. I haven’t been drinking beer this whole time. It’s ginger ale!
• 1:57 *drinks the ginger ale once again* Huh, so this game’s doing me good after all. *looks down* Comparatively…
• 2:05 *drinks it for the sixth time*
• 2:13 *and the seventh*
• 2:22 *eighth time in a row* I *hic* bloody well hope so!
• 2:29 *ninth* Oh, dear. I think I’m about to break my personal record.
• 2:37 *breaks his record, and sees his followers disappear* Next video, I’m counting.
• 2:48 Pooh! It’s time.
• 2:54 Heh heh. Works never.
• 3:53 What a way to imprison poor Garfield.
• 4:03 What’s a real life human doing in The Dark Crystal when she isn’t a puppeteer?
• 4:04 It turns out that she is at the very least a voice actress.
• 4:06 Pooh, you may not have the brightest of minds, but that’s the dumbest question I’ve heard you ask in my life.
• 4:09 Shouldn’t that apply to the walruses and bears as well?!
• 4:12 And now, part 2 of the cliché - Owl’s cowboy musical number.
• 4:55 Finally, back to the plot. The Skeksis has been waiting for more than a minute.
• 5:30 And now, the world premiere of Winnie the Pooh and The Adventures of Tintin.

Comments:

• “Man, those two Skeksis are funny when they see Kira and the heroes and head to the main cham.”
• “why not show the dark crystal in its entirety? i would appreciate it ”

Pooh’s Adventures of the Dark Crystal: Part 12: In Which Kira Sprouts Wings, and a Walrus is the First to Make a Big Deal Out Of It.

• 0:16 Lumpy makes a damn cameo.
• 1:19 You know what would be interesting? One of these characters actually using a weapon on these things. Garfield, use your sword!
• 1:29 JEN: No! My friends! *in his head* That’s quite nice to know.
• 1:43 A great scene BUTCHERED.
• 2:02 There’s really no need to ask that, Chumley.
• 2:12 See?
• 2:52 Yes, go in there, Pooh, while the Gelfings can go through their entrance. You aren’t green-screened, after all.
• 4:17 It’s definitely not any of those ways, Pooh.
• 4:29 Filler, just to make sure the characters have some screen presence. We wouldn’t want it to end up like Pooh’s Adventures of the Flintstones Movie, wouldn’t we?
• 4:55 *gets another glass*
• 5:20 You see, Pooh and friends? This movie ain’t right for you!

Pooh’s Adventures of the Dark Crystal: Part 11. With all those toons stealing Jen’s lines, I’m starting to feel that I’m a little bit in character as Jen in comparison…

• 0:05 Wait, was that a slow-mo effect? Why the hell didn’t you think of that before?
• 0:30 JEN: Do I look smart to you guys?
• 1:13 JEN: Good thing there are only two of these…
• 1:23 Consult Genie for the right answer.
• 1:47 PIGLET: Oh, it’s not a play. It’s a clusterfudge.
• 1:56 Augh. They speak so much of the obvious that they spoiled the ending.
• 2:19 I guess he wants YOU to stay!
• 2:36 Thank God. For a second I thought there’d be another musical number.
• 2:56 JEN: *in his head* The prophecy didn’t say anything about cartoons, either.
• 4:35 The Skeksis = the creator. The crystal = Pooh’s Adventures. The Podling = the viewer.
• 6:59 So, what about Tip and Tennessee?
• 7:10 JEN: *in his head* I hate you, Kira…

Comments:

• “Oh look. Our heroes geot a ride. Now they are on the way. Oh man. It’s just as I thought, one of Skeksis, the Scientist puts the Podlings at the chair, draining their essence for the Fountain of Youth to make an Emperor young. Good thing that doesn’t work. They need Gelflings. And what movie was it that shows Woody on 7:04?”

Pooh’s Adventures of the Dark Crystal: Part 10. Most of the people who commented on this video haven’t even seen the movie.

• 0:13 Why don’t you ask Christopher Robin?
• 0:34 They seem to be taking it even better.
• 0:36 They aren’t even running!
• 0:39 *facepalm*
• 1:05 KIRA: Movie?
• 1:08 JEN: Don’t listen to them, Kira! They’re trying to ruin our secrets!
• 1:47 JEN: It was theirs.
• 1:54 JEN: I’m not that lucky…
• 2:02 Why do I get the feeling that Tip and Dash are rip-offs of Tennessee and Chumley?
• 2:50 JEN: We’re just a couple of Gelflings being pestered by a group of cartoons that won’t stop stating the obvious.
• 3:56 JEN: I just can’t believe my lines are being stolen by a puppy.
• 4:31 The sound effects are still ruining the beauty.
• 5:04 JEN: *in his head* Pfft, you’re too earthly for that definition.
• 5:31 JEN: *in his head* How would a simpleton like you know?
• 6:17 In Pooh’s Adventures, everyone’s a terrible actor.
• 6:37 *takes a swig*
• 6:44 I don’t think Kira would ever use the word “guys”, and I’ve been role-playing as a disgruntled Jen.
• 6:56 ALL: No! Take the cartoons instead! *pause* ALL: *except Jen* Wait, what?
• 6:58 Yes, but not all over the place.
• 7:03 You too, former wise guy.
• 7:17 The other toys aren’t even supposed to play a part in this video! And neither is Melody.
• 7:19 I’m still watching this with headphones, you know.

Pooh’s Adventures of the Dark Crystal: Part 9. The fact that I’m not being too affected by this drinking game, and that I’m earning money off of a repeated reaction shot, I personally think can get illogical and stupid. Just wanted to stay true to the Pooh’s Adventures formula.

• 0:32 Why couldn’t you ask him before? Because that would just add to the repetition.
• 1:03 Due to the majority of obviousness in this video, I’d expect someone to say, “Now I know who the Ewoks ripped off.”
• 2:26 JEN: *in his head* Although I still prefer not to be corrected by a plush doll.
• 2:45 JEN: Why couldn’t I get Kermit?
• 3:07 What I hate the most about this character addition is that Garfield is portrayed as way too simple minded. He’s just way too friendly.
• 4:20 Since when did barracudas come into this journey?
• 4:27 I’m currently listening to this part with headphones, and I can tell any of you that have the same speakers as mine that this seriously needs a “fix”.
• 4:41 And thank goodness I kept them at the same level.
• 4:50 Since when did Ttark get the voice of Wallace Shawn?
• 5:00 Woody seems to be taking it rather well this time.

Comments:

• “I loved the part when Tigger said "That’s got to be intresting.”“

Pooh’s Adventures of the Dark Crystal: Part 8. This rant keeps getting worse and worse.

• 0:02 *drinks*
• 0:09 *drinks another*
• 1:33 *drinks yet another*
• 1:56 *drinks for the fourth time* I’d be taking sips if the writing wasn’t so lazy. *hic*
• 2:17 *drinks again* Stop it!
• 2:59 *drinks yet again*
• 3:19 And now back to the real *urp* studpidity…
• 4:05 Yes, but your commentary isn’t going to make it any better.
• 4:17 Well, you better hurry, Garfield. *holds up the soundtrack* It’s buy one, *holds up a small bottle of poison* get one free.
• 4:51 JEN: Piglet, I was about to say that, you attention hog!