Heck No Pooh's Adventures

Super Smash Bros. is such a problematic series, and I’ve only played Brawl. What reason do these characters have to fight each other? What did they do that could make them hate themselves? Is this Japan continuing not to make sense? I better cancel my trip today. It turns out they’re still doing this crap, of bloody course, and they left out Solid Snake, the only redeeming factor of Brawl. But what with? Let’s find out in the trailer for Super Smash Bros. Wii U/3DS.

• 0:03 Really? Animal Crossing? A kids game that does not involve any sort of violence except whacking people with nets?
• 0:11 What’s up with Rosie? Jeez, Nintendo are so odd they forgot what shade of blue the real Rosie is.
• 0:14 Not even Tom Nook’s eyes are accurate! Laziness!
• 0:16 Mario? Yawn.
• 0:18 Link? Same old.
• 0:20 Metroid? What the hell is Metroid?
• 0:22 Kirby? Why?
• 0:24 Hope you’re happy, furries.
• 0:25 How do they expect us to know what Kid Icarus is?!
• 0:27 Put another Donkey Kong joke on my dashboard and I’m going to unfollow every one of you.
• 0:29 As if Pooh’s Adventures wasn’t enough.
• 0:38 Least convincing 2D animation disguise ever.
• 0:41 If Mario can fly like that then what’s the point of a cap with wings?
• 0:44 Eh, I prefer the Vita.
• 0:53 PEOPLE LIKE THIS.
• 0:57 Oh, how depressing 3D can be.
• 1:05 Bowser confuses me. Is he Mario’s enemy or his friend in these games? You Japanese people and your relationship issues…
• 1:18 Kirby turns ugly. No surprise there.
• 1:28 More inaccuracy. People aren’t supposed to be trapped in a net when hit with it. I understand New Leaf came out in your country in 2012 but can you please play your game after you’ve made it?
• 1:33 Bowser and Mario frozen in tar by a little kid. WTF Japan, Seriously?
• 1:38 You’d expect Mario to be squashed by that tree. But no…
• 1:43 As if one disaster wasn’t enough.
• 2:12 Mega Man? As if Mario and Sonic at the Olympics wasn’t boring enough.
• 2:33 Average reaction to “furries are gay”.
• 2:46 How can a blade just appear out of nowhere? You’d expect his hand to turn into one. Jeez.
• 3:00 Leaves kill? Leaves?!
• 3:26 Huh? It just fades out before we could see who that yellow thing was? Japan, I tell you…

• Weirdness: 
• Inaccuary: 
• Donkey Kong: 
• Confusion about Mario and Bowser’s relationship: 
• People like this: 

Overall: 5.6/5

-0.12/5. This crossover looks to be a steaming pile of gorilla turd. All that animation talent wasted on one of the most confusing fighting games of this century. If you want a fighting game with wit, play, I dunno, Tekken or Mortal Kombat. Or Street Fighter. They have original characters where we at least know which side they’re on (then again, I haven’t play any of these games). So don’t waste your money when these two games come out, and have a Happy April Fools Day. Hey, wait a minute…