Heck No Pooh's Adventures

Ian Terry Appreciation Blog: Pooh's Adventures of the Adventures of Ian ( THE ULTIMATE POOH'S ADVENTURE! ) Prologue

ianterry-and-nickuhas:

EMILY OLSON PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS….

A MIYA PARKER PRODUCTION……

Pooh’s Adventures of The Adventures of Ian!

Starring Pooh’s 1,000 friends!

- cue Pooh’s Adventures opening which I didn’t give a damn about so I didn’t write it -

It was a normal day on Feralheart Island and at the Bonfire Island Analyzer ( BFIA ) Headquarters. The door opened as the silver cheetah with ints, Mystico, entered holding a book. “Hey, Nick! Guess what!” The primarily blue wolf with a dark brown mane spun around in his desk, still looking into a weird telescope, appearing to be studying the TLKer Drama at Bonfire. “I got an invitation t-” Andy ran over to take a look, “Pooh’s…. ADVENTURES!?!?!?!?!?? What in the motherfriggin’ hell? Mystico, you’re smarter than that! They’ve screwed up history 5000 million times!” Nick walked over, “Just lemme have a look here…” He opened the book and began reading through the rules, requirements, etc. “Signed by… Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, Piglet, Owl, Rabbit, Kanga, Roo, Gopher, Littlefoot, Simba, Timon, Pumbaa, Nala,……….”

- 500 HOURS LATER -

“….Turdie F. Bastard, and…. EMILY OL- WHA!?!?!?!?!?” Nick dropped the book in surprise, “EMILY’S INVOLVED IN THIS? WHAT THE HELL IS SHE SMOKING!?!?!?!? HOW DID SHE GET INVOLVED!?!?!?!?” Mystico shrugged, “Weird things happen! I’m pretty sure they’re just parodies though…. anyways, give me a black-tipped pen, I need to sign this.” Nick threw a pen at Mystico, “Here, sign it.” Mystico signed his name and then threw it back to the wolf/fox hybrid, “Now you sign it.” Nick yelled, “HELL TO THE NAW! I AM NOT SCREWING UP HISTORY, NOPE NEVER! Wait… ANDY NO DROP THE PEN.” Nick face pawed, “It’s too late.” Andy had signed the Pooh’s Adventures deal. “Fine, I guess I’m going too. Say, am I going to meet my alternate self who is somehow related to Castiel and Jack Spicer?” “What the fuck!?!?!?!?” Mystico yelled. “Never mind, that’s a story for later!” Nick felt his paws quivering as he signed his name upon the sheet: “Nick A. Swagger-Uhas” which began his deal with Pooh’s Adventures. Mystico grabbed the duo by their paws, “Well, let’s go!” He then shot off into the distance to the Pooh’s Adventures hideout.

MEANWHILE IN CARTOONLAND……

In the Pooh’s Adventures Hideout, the cartoons had just finished reviewing The Adventures of Ian. “So, how was it?” asked Nicholas, the suggester. “Nicholas, what are you SMOKING?” Castor yelled, throwing his notebook down. “That movie was R! R I TELL YOU, R-RATED! Nicholas shrugged, “No one told me, it looked like a PG film to me!” “Whoa, calm down.” A voice said. Mickey Mouse stepped out. “We can do this. All we need to do is make the characters speak in subtitles, and… maybe we should satisfy an older audience, and leave in everything except the rape references. Plus, let’s make lots of the characters cousins to completely, unrelated characters! Sounds like a plan?” Mystico nodded, “Yes, I agree.” Every other cartoon nodded. “Well anyways, let’s GOOOOOOOO!” The cartoons dashed off to LA.

Christopher Robin appeared on the screen, telling the cartoons to be quiet. He cleared his throat, “And now we begin our adventure, which is called…” He held up a book with the original title and the picture of Piglet crossed out that now read “Pooh’s Adventures of The Adventures of Ian” Piglet popped out, “Me?” Christopher looked confused, “What are you talking about? Well anyways, act 1, our story begins!”