Logan’s Adventures of Alien, part 5
Where was I? Ah, yes. Sorry.
Logan: Palladon, you take Parker and Lambert and get all the coolant you can carry. Rae, Ripley and I will get the shuttle ready.
Ripley: We’ll give you about- about seven minutes. Come back up here, I’ll shut the switches off, and we’ll blow this fucker off into space.
Palladon: Roger that. All right, let’s move.
LANGUAGE.
Logan: *nods* Right, we never leave anyone behind, not even a cat.
Although leaving someone behind has its advantages…
Palladon: *voice over* Everything’s fine here. No sign of the alien, but I really think we should leave… Now.
THE END
Unfortunately, I’m kidding.
*Unable to use the flamethrower without hitting Lambert or Palladon. Parker hesitates for a moment, then charges toward the alien, wielding the flamethrower like a club. The Alien just smacks him into a wall with it’s tail, then grabs him and hoists him into the air, squeezing his head until blood poured from his mouth. It then uncurled its lips and opened its mouth, preparing to strike with its second pair of dripping jaws*
Parker: Get outta the room!
*The Alien strikes Parker in the head with its second mouth, killing him instantly. It now moves to Lambert. Palladon swiftly hurtles in front of Lambert to face the creature head on, hitting blow after blow on the Alien’s head*
Palladon: This one’s for Kane! *punches the Alien* This one’s for Brett! *punches again* This is for Dallas! *punches harder* And this…is for Parker!
So predictable.
*Ripley and the others descend, cautiously, Ripley holding the flamethrower and Logan and Rae armed as well. They near the entrance to the spacesuit and look in. Inside, they see Lambert hanging from the ceiling, naked and dripping with blood. Slumped on the floor across from her is Parker, with a gaping hole in his forehead. They are both dead. Rae and Logan spot Palladon, who looks unharmed, and rush for him*
Logan & Rae: PALLADON!!!
*They stir their friend awake, miraculously he’s unharmed. He groans as he comes to terms to where he is and sees Rae and Logan standing over him*
Of course he didn’t die - if he did, we wouldn’t have any more furfag Adventure crap!
Logan: Ripley, Everyone’s dead except for us! We gotta blow up the ship NOW!
Logan clearly doesn’t understand the whole “lone survivor” concept, neither does he understand the meaning of “independence”. He’s reviewed movies for years, he should know better. God, just imagine Logan’s Adventures of Lone Survivor…
Ripley: Dallas.
Rae: He’s alive!
*They look in disbelief as Dallas’ voice is a whimper*
Dallas: Kill me.
I understand perfectly, Dallas.
Logan: Oh God…
Palladon: Don’t even look, Logan.
When one finds Hewylewis’ DA gallery.
Logan: One alien… Who would’ve thought “one” alien could cause so much damage?
You’ve seen Lilo & Stitch, you would know better.
Rae: Can this day get any worse?
Nothing’s worse than one of the scariest sci-fi films being hijacked by furries.
*With no further question, Rae and Palladon get behind Logan as he summoned his key blade and pointed it straight at the Alien’s head*
This line is the worst thing I have ever read in my life.
*Meanwhile, Logan and his friends were running through the corridors, trying to make it to the docking bay in order to get back onto their ship. Logan was still weak from his attack on the alien and was holding onto Rae’s shoulder. Steep shot out from the vents as Mother’s voice is heard*
At least Logan’s team is doing something right this time by leaving Ripley to do the job alone like she’s supposed to.
*They see their ship just beyond reach and they pick up their pace. The three finally get back into the Trimaxian as Palladon has Logan laying onto one of the platforms, and Rae prepares to perform a healing spell*
IN ALIEN. FUCKING ALIEN.
Logan: *smiles* God speed, Ripley… Till we meet again.
Sequel hook! Yes, he did take on Aliens.
Logan: I’m taking you two back to earth. Afterwards, Max and I are going back into space. Let’s just say I’ll be gone for a while.
Rae: But Logan, you can’t go off by yourself. We’re a team and we never abandon a comrade.
Logan: Thank you for the kind words, Rae… But I almost got you two killed back there. You’d be a lot safer back with Benny and the others on earth.
Palladon: Oh come now, Logan, we’ve been in danger hundreds of times. Even “thousands”.
At least this hopefully means less guest stars.
- The respect Logan is probably going to lose:
- Fur faggotry:
- Rae drama:
- The awfulness of the whole idea:
- Keyblades:
Overall: 12/5
-1.4/10. Logan Ridenbaugh, if your supporters on YouTube or That Fellow With the Coat discovered that you like to make crossover fanfiction, what do you and that buddy of yours who helped you write this expect them to say? This adventure slaps furries and Kingdom Hearts references onto one of the greatest sci-fi films of all time, and one that the Pooh’s Adventures Wiki wouldn’t usually accept.
Your fan fiction is just as bad as Pooh’s Adventures itself. It strips the original of its logic, tension and character depth, and with you being a reviewer (or plot analyser) of animated films you ought to know well enough that films like Alien are good as they are and do not need your “improvement”. When will you realise this, Logan? Everything about this story is why Benny quit! And yet you continue to dwell in your own fantasies that you will somehow become friends with talking, mutant animals.
I have my own fantasies that I usually reveal to the public, but none of them include me hijacking the work of Ridley Scott. Hell, I only make profits from converting old tapes to DVD. Logan, before you start work on Logan’s Adventures of Alien³, stop embarassing yourself in front of the whole internet, because when people discover your crossovers and Pony Creator crap, you’re bound to lose a lot of reputation as a critic. You have an IMDB page, for God’s sake! This is PoohMod, signing off until I look at Logan’s Adventures of Aliens.
