Heck No Pooh's Adventures

Pooh’s Adventures of the Dark Crystal: Part 15: In Which the Toons Turn Out to Be Villains After All, or So I Would Pretend Seeing As the Obviousness and Filler They Bring Into Their Adventures Seem More Like an Illuminati Plot.

• 0:03 In the world of Pooh’s Adventures, it doesn’t matter what you wear. As long as you’re making a decent reaction shot.
• 1:02 JEN: I, and I only.
• 2:21 JEN: Well, it was good while it lasted.
• 2:58 POOH: We will live forever!
• 3:02 ALL TOONS: We will live forever!
• 3:11 SHY: Oh, good. It’s Fizzgig. Here to interrupt our chanting.
• 3:12 TTARK: His barking will disrupt our chance of being annoying any longer!
• 3:14 TIP: You better be quiet, Fizzgig. The Great Conjunction does not need your yapping!
• 3:28 *sips his drink* Why couldn’t I do this before?
• 3:29 GARFIELD: The party is ruined!
• 3:35 *sips it yet again*
• 3:43 *and again*
• 3:50 *and again*
• 4:12 POOH: Pleased to meet you again, Gelfling. *gets repeated to say “and creatures”* It’s been quite a while. Now, prepare to meet your absolute doom - a gasping montage! Ha ha ha ha!
• 4:34 Of course Poky’s happy about it. Why wouldn’t he be?
• 4:44 You called him Zurg. Aaagh.
• 4:55 BUZZ: Works every time.
• 6:04 POOH: She had it coming. Now, are you ready, fellas?
• 6:16 POOH: Woody! You ruined it. Traitor.
• 6:41 JEN: Sorry, but I don’t take my advice from bad editing!
• 6:46 *earns another tenner* There really wasn’t that much…
• 7:24 JEN: I sure didn’t miss this in part 14.

What? That would at least make a better twist to the story! After all, that icon I’m using was taken from something with a point.

Comments:

• “That was an Epic of excitement! :)”

Pooh’s Adventures of the Dark Crystal: Part 14: In Which the Video Goes From Seemingly Regular to Mind-Meltingly BAD.

• 0:06 Man, this guy’s copy of Windows Movie maker must be really laggy.
• 0:20 The most logical thing you could say is “He’s okay!”
• 1:19 If you used that slo-mo effect now, then why couldn’t you do it wheAw, crud.
• 1:24 And now comes evidence of a huge plothole.
• 1:28 I second that “What”.
• 1:32 Your editing ain’t fooling us. WE KNOW IT’S SID.
• 1:39 *slams his head on the radiator*
• 1:42 WHAT IS GOING ON?! IS THE SKEKSIS TALKING OR WOODY? AND WHAT’S WITH SID?!
• 1:50 *gets a headache*
• 1:56 Good lordy. This sucks!
• 2:07 This is so confusing that I forgot how to paint.
• 2:18 *sits in the corner and cries* Why? Why? What is happening? Who is the real antagonist here?
• 2:35 Just pretend that Skeksis is debeaked…
• 2:45 Woody, earlier ago, you were talking to Mystery Inc. the first time you saw them. Do you remember?
• 3:34 You just made the fact that this is supposed to be “The Legend of Sheriff Piglet” even clearer.
• 4:06 You just walked out of a saloon.
• 4:31 AUGHRA: According to Jen, I believe you have just experienced it.
• 4:37 RABBIT: …or I’m not walking in the snow!
• 4:49 *takes a single sip*
• 5:52 JEN: Well, at least there’s no one here to say “behind you”!
• 6:45 JEN: Oh, how great it feels to go solo. I feel like a new Gelfling!
• 7:25 *sips again*
• 7:29 JEN: *in his mind* Oh, I sure do hope it’s only Kira…
• 7:33 AUGHRA: Or came, in their cases.
• 8:39 JEN: And I found without any cartoons pestering me!

Comments:

• “What Winnie the Pooh episode was that from 4:06 to 4:12? I love this one from 7:38 to 8:17. But here’s a question. Totally tricky. Why did the UrRu just chanted a long chant that made Garthim soldiers back down? Well, that was nice of Garthim letting UrRu pass.”
• (the creator’s response) “(imitating Tigger) Oh Shucks. It was nothing at all. And did you liked the way that I dubbed the scientist with Sid Phillip’s voice?”

Pooh’s Adventures of the Dark Crystal: Part 13, the second part to currently stand with two dislikes. *rubs his stomach* And pretty soon I’m going to lose two subscribers.

• 0:17 What?
• 0:24 Oh. Forgot that this thing is a western.
• 0:54 *slams his head on the desk repeatedly*
• 1:03 *drinks another whole glass*
• 1:11 *drinks yet another* Cut it out, you piece of crap, you!
• 1:22 *drinks* Oh, if only I were drunk…
• 1:45 *drinks again, but notices something* Wait. I haven’t been drinking beer this whole time. It’s ginger ale!
• 1:57 *drinks the ginger ale once again* Huh, so this game’s doing me good after all. *looks down* Comparatively…
• 2:05 *drinks it for the sixth time*
• 2:13 *and the seventh*
• 2:22 *eighth time in a row* I *hic* bloody well hope so!
• 2:29 *ninth* Oh, dear. I think I’m about to break my personal record.
• 2:37 *breaks his record, and sees his followers disappear* Next video, I’m counting.
• 2:48 Pooh! It’s time.
• 2:54 Heh heh. Works never.
• 3:53 What a way to imprison poor Garfield.
• 4:03 What’s a real life human doing in The Dark Crystal when she isn’t a puppeteer?
• 4:04 It turns out that she is at the very least a voice actress.
• 4:06 Pooh, you may not have the brightest of minds, but that’s the dumbest question I’ve heard you ask in my life.
• 4:09 Shouldn’t that apply to the walruses and bears as well?!
• 4:12 And now, part 2 of the cliché - Owl’s cowboy musical number.
• 4:55 Finally, back to the plot. The Skeksis has been waiting for more than a minute.
• 5:30 And now, the world premiere of Winnie the Pooh and The Adventures of Tintin.

Comments:

• “Man, those two Skeksis are funny when they see Kira and the heroes and head to the main cham.”
• “why not show the dark crystal in its entirety? i would appreciate it ”

Pooh’s Adventures of the Dark Crystal: Part 12: In Which Kira Sprouts Wings, and a Walrus is the First to Make a Big Deal Out Of It.

• 0:16 Lumpy makes a damn cameo.
• 1:19 You know what would be interesting? One of these characters actually using a weapon on these things. Garfield, use your sword!
• 1:29 JEN: No! My friends! *in his head* That’s quite nice to know.
• 1:43 A great scene BUTCHERED.
• 2:02 There’s really no need to ask that, Chumley.
• 2:12 See?
• 2:52 Yes, go in there, Pooh, while the Gelfings can go through their entrance. You aren’t green-screened, after all.
• 4:17 It’s definitely not any of those ways, Pooh.
• 4:29 Filler, just to make sure the characters have some screen presence. We wouldn’t want it to end up like Pooh’s Adventures of the Flintstones Movie, wouldn’t we?
• 4:55 *gets another glass*
• 5:20 You see, Pooh and friends? This movie ain’t right for you!

Pooh’s Adventures of the Dark Crystal: Part 11. With all those toons stealing Jen’s lines, I’m starting to feel that I’m a little bit in character as Jen in comparison…

• 0:05 Wait, was that a slow-mo effect? Why the hell didn’t you think of that before?
• 0:30 JEN: Do I look smart to you guys?
• 1:13 JEN: Good thing there are only two of these…
• 1:23 Consult Genie for the right answer.
• 1:47 PIGLET: Oh, it’s not a play. It’s a clusterfudge.
• 1:56 Augh. They speak so much of the obvious that they spoiled the ending.
• 2:19 I guess he wants YOU to stay!
• 2:36 Thank God. For a second I thought there’d be another musical number.
• 2:56 JEN: *in his head* The prophecy didn’t say anything about cartoons, either.
• 4:35 The Skeksis = the creator. The crystal = Pooh’s Adventures. The Podling = the viewer.
• 6:59 So, what about Tip and Tennessee?
• 7:10 JEN: *in his head* I hate you, Kira…

Comments:

• “Oh look. Our heroes geot a ride. Now they are on the way. Oh man. It’s just as I thought, one of Skeksis, the Scientist puts the Podlings at the chair, draining their essence for the Fountain of Youth to make an Emperor young. Good thing that doesn’t work. They need Gelflings. And what movie was it that shows Woody on 7:04?”

Pooh’s Adventures of the Dark Crystal: Part 10. Most of the people who commented on this video haven’t even seen the movie.

• 0:13 Why don’t you ask Christopher Robin?
• 0:34 They seem to be taking it even better.
• 0:36 They aren’t even running!
• 0:39 *facepalm*
• 1:05 KIRA: Movie?
• 1:08 JEN: Don’t listen to them, Kira! They’re trying to ruin our secrets!
• 1:47 JEN: It was theirs.
• 1:54 JEN: I’m not that lucky…
• 2:02 Why do I get the feeling that Tip and Dash are rip-offs of Tennessee and Chumley?
• 2:50 JEN: We’re just a couple of Gelflings being pestered by a group of cartoons that won’t stop stating the obvious.
• 3:56 JEN: I just can’t believe my lines are being stolen by a puppy.
• 4:31 The sound effects are still ruining the beauty.
• 5:04 JEN: *in his head* Pfft, you’re too earthly for that definition.
• 5:31 JEN: *in his head* How would a simpleton like you know?
• 6:17 In Pooh’s Adventures, everyone’s a terrible actor.
• 6:37 *takes a swig*
• 6:44 I don’t think Kira would ever use the word “guys”, and I’ve been role-playing as a disgruntled Jen.
• 6:56 ALL: No! Take the cartoons instead! *pause* ALL: *except Jen* Wait, what?
• 6:58 Yes, but not all over the place.
• 7:03 You too, former wise guy.
• 7:17 The other toys aren’t even supposed to play a part in this video! And neither is Melody.
• 7:19 I’m still watching this with headphones, you know.

Pooh’s Adventures of the Dark Crystal: Part 9. The fact that I’m not being too affected by this drinking game, and that I’m earning money off of a repeated reaction shot, I personally think can get illogical and stupid. Just wanted to stay true to the Pooh’s Adventures formula.

• 0:32 Why couldn’t you ask him before? Because that would just add to the repetition.
• 1:03 Due to the majority of obviousness in this video, I’d expect someone to say, “Now I know who the Ewoks ripped off.”
• 2:26 JEN: *in his head* Although I still prefer not to be corrected by a plush doll.
• 2:45 JEN: Why couldn’t I get Kermit?
• 3:07 What I hate the most about this character addition is that Garfield is portrayed as way too simple minded. He’s just way too friendly.
• 4:20 Since when did barracudas come into this journey?
• 4:27 I’m currently listening to this part with headphones, and I can tell any of you that have the same speakers as mine that this seriously needs a “fix”.
• 4:41 And thank goodness I kept them at the same level.
• 4:50 Since when did Ttark get the voice of Wallace Shawn?
• 5:00 Woody seems to be taking it rather well this time.

Comments:

• “I loved the part when Tigger said "That’s got to be intresting.”“

Pooh’s Adventures of the Dark Crystal: Part 8. This rant keeps getting worse and worse.

• 0:02 *drinks*
• 0:09 *drinks another*
• 1:33 *drinks yet another*
• 1:56 *drinks for the fourth time* I’d be taking sips if the writing wasn’t so lazy. *hic*
• 2:17 *drinks again* Stop it!
• 2:59 *drinks yet again*
• 3:19 And now back to the real *urp* studpidity…
• 4:05 Yes, but your commentary isn’t going to make it any better.
• 4:17 Well, you better hurry, Garfield. *holds up the soundtrack* It’s buy one, *holds up a small bottle of poison* get one free.
• 4:51 JEN: Piglet, I was about to say that, you attention hog!

Pooh’s Adventures of the Dark Crystal: Part 7. You can always count on formerly lovable cartoon characters to ruin your first date.

• 0:06 Expect a scare reaction montage in 3… 2… 1…
• 0:17 Seriously? No scares, just characters commenting about mud puddles? Feck you, YakkoWarnerMovies!
• 0:44 £30!
• 0:53 JEN: Will you guys shut up? You’re taking away my chance to score!
• 2:54 JEN: Or so “Yakko” want them to.
• 2:57 Only because you’re made out of limited animation.
• 3:40 JEN: Kira, don’t!
• 4:06 JEN: Ugh, you have no idea what’s going on here, don’t you?
• 4:43 JEN: Kira, look. These characters have infected hundreds and hundreds of movies, and pretty soon the whole galaxy will be affected by meaningless reaction shots and subtitles! To heck with the crystal, *whispers* we must get rid of them first.

Pooh’s Adventures of the Dark Crystal: Part 6. Watch as the gang ruin tension once again!

• 0:15 Hurry? You’ve been reacting for 17 seconds. Not quick enough.
• 0:31 *gets his glass prepared for the next utter of “and his friends”*
• 0:51 Okay, what the hell?
• 2:14 And yet, Jen could not sleep because of his crew’s endless yapping.
• 3:17 And here’s something we saw in the second video I riffed on.
• 3:43 Could it be? A clip from Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue? That’s how you do crossovers, people! Put them in the same shot!
• 4:02 Did that REALLY need to be subtitled? Or is it just something that needs to be “fixed”?
• 4:26 Now, why couldn’t they mention that before?
• 4:36 And Jen finally expresses his true feelings toward the journey.
• 5:33 Isn’t silence supposed to be golden? Subtitles count too.

Pooh’s Adventures of the Dark Crystal: Part 5, and part 10 of the double feature. twelve more parts to go through a 2 hour 38 minute journey! Welp.

• 0:06 JEN: Oh, please do! But not me, of course. Just the ones with borders around their bodies. And the toys, they ain’t real either.
• 0:15 JEN: That’s not all I want of you, Aughra…
• 0:58 JEN: Adventures are more exciting when solo, you know. Next you’d be stalking Anakin Skywalker…
• 1:12 *earns more money* £20!
• 2:23 AUGHRA: Your evil schemes to invade others’ privacy, that’s what!
• 2:36 AUGHRA: …and those blasted cartoons!
• 2:43 AUGHRA: Or worse, life as we know it will be muted!
• 3:11 JEN: Says the creatures who’ve been dominating over a thousand planets!
• 4:10 Well, I’m not even seeing that much of Piglet, so I’ll go for this one instead. *grabs a whole bunch of glasses and drinks them all*
• 4:22 Yes I know, Pooh. It’s boring, isn’t it? Not the movie, though.
• 5:08 My exact feelings on the sound volume.
• 6:01 JEN: Why, Lord? Why?!

Pooh’s Adventures of the Dark Crystal: Part 4. Prepare for another god damned character introduction scene.

• 0:18 The real enemies here are those “strange creatures”.
• 0:34 How can editing like this not be worthy of a dislike?
• 1:48 JEN: Oh, of all the comic relief I could get, why’d it have to be this?
• 1:56 JEN: If you’re his cousin, then Kira is my sister.
• 2:23 JEN: Although not as much as being surrounded by annoying cartoons.
• 2:50 JEN: And how I wish…
• 2:55 JEN: Not listening… Not listening… Not.. Not… Grrr…
• 3:23 You’re ruining the creative vision.
• 3:41 Other than a random, spikey forest?
• 4:03 This is not the place, period.
• 4:16 DUKE: Oh dear, <subtitle>you sh</subtitle>ouldn’t spoil the surprise…
• 4:30 Remember: Main character in peril = fan-placed side characters in peril!
• 4:42 RABBIT: starring in such a dark movie,
• 4:58 Weird. Normally, I’d expect the whole gang to gasp.
• 5:14 JEN: And you are just about to experience what hell really looks like.
• 5:37 He actually said that three times in this video.
• 5:43 AUGHRA: Gelfling, I think I may have experienced a greater threat to this world than the Skeksis.
• 6:02 POOH: Someone who claims himself to be Yakko Warner, to speak the truth.
• 6:07 JEN: He’s over in his suburban home, planning on dominating another peaceful world.

Pooh’s Adventures of the Dark Crystal: Part 3, the first part to get a dislike before I came in. And no wonder…

• 0:09 JEN: I can see that, you dumb furball.
• 0:11 JEN: Please take me with you, master…
• 0:17 Jokes? More like no time for the obvious.
• 1:24 JEN: Danger? How about you guys?
• 1:44 JEN: *runs away* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
• 1:57 WE SAW THIS IN THE FIRST PART OF THE DOUBLE FEATURE.
• 2:30 PEOPLE. LIKE. THIS.
• 3:02 I agree, Tennessee. Is this dark, or filled with glee?
• 3:24 Alright, the drinking game now goes to Piglet with a sheriff badge looking around in fear. Bottoms up!
• 3:42 JEN: I’m back! How’d your piss on Jim Henson’s corpse go?
• 3:57 While Jen suffers immense irritation from his newfound companions.
• 4:03 (And the musical number didn’t even help)

Comments:

• “Excuse me, Yakko, but is it true that you HAVE to put a variation of Tip and Dash’s song in EVERY pooh movie you make? Sorry, I didn’t mean to rude to you if was as such.”

Pooh’s Adventures of the Dark Crystal: Part 2. Keep in mind that parts 1 and 2 of this one had over 9 likes and no dislikes before I started ranting on this. And expect a lot of RP'ing, seeing how that is most of the comments given to this double feature…

• 0:23 JEN: Oh, dear. They got me. Act natural…
• 0:33 Grrrr…
• 0:46 Aaargh…
• 0:55 JEN: Your prisoner.
• 1:01 JEN: Some place that hopefully wouldn’t be invaded by cartoon characters!
• 1:07 JEN: *in his head* If possible, I could feed these guys to the Skeksis. Ooh, Jen, you are a genius!
• 1:11 JEN: *in his head* Heh heh heh. Suckers.
• 1:37 JEN: *look at those imbeciles, all going the wrong way.
• 1:48 JEN: *in his head* Friends, yes. But not for long…
• 2:12 JEN: *in his head* None of your business, space ranger.
• 2:36 JEN: *in his head* Deary me, you guys are the “pathetic” in unsympathetic.
• 2:57 JEN: How’d you know they were my friends in the first place? *in his head* Yes they will, but they surely won’t destroy me. Ha ha ha.
• 3:10 *earns £10*
• 3:19 Subtitles in front of subtitles!
• 4:16 JEN: Oh cripes. I better be careful about what I say.
• 4:59 JEN: I haven’t warned you about the crossover invasion yet, master!

And now it’s time for Winnie the Pooh and the Dark Crystal, or to make more sense, Pooh’s Adventures of the Dark Crystal. Since the film ain’t even a bad one (Scooby-Doo was just an episode), I watched the original film first - slow pacing, but that’s 80’s fantasy pacing and I enjoyed it a lot. Of course, adding Pooh and a bunch of other toons into a dark puppet fairy tale will do nothing to enhance the experience…

• 0:12 Sometimes, I wish they they would actually conclude that drumroll with a surprise. That’s why I dropped Rocco into my parody.
• 0:16 Not funny enough.
• 0:24 Legund of 2heruf Piglit. Again.
• 0:27 Well, well. Someone finally muted Piglet this time. This could be an improvemNah, that still doesn’t make it a good one at all.
• 0:28 Thus, the writing is still lazy.
• 0:37 Didn’t we already see that logo? Because the one in The Flintstones was a pardoy.
• 0:52 Jim Hension?
• 1:04 Well, so far, things are looking interesting.
• 3:08 Augh. Interest ruined.
• 4:24 As there is a heck of a lot of subtitles, wouldn’t you need screenplay credits as well?
• 4:30 Eh, even though the titles are concerning, this looks pretty dark for a Pooh’s Adventures video.
• 4:49 What am I saying.
• 4:55 Does almost every Pooh Adventure have to be a western?
• 5:27 All too quiet, and my speakers like things louder! At least the narrator can get back to his story, though.

Comments:

• “you need sound leveling…i couldn’t watch it cause I had to keep jumping up to turn the volume down and up and down and up”
• “Now this is my kind of show. I didn’t know there is another world and another time. This kind of resembles Star Wars residence.”
• “*mass role-playing*”
• “how come they dont make movies full of fantansy.my no one movie ever!”
• “When I watch this I always feel like I’m gonna turn around and there’s going to be some random guy I’ve never seen before in my life staring at me from across the room. And it’s freakin’ the hell out.”