Heck No Pooh's Adventures

Pooh’s Adventures of Amazing Animals - Poisonous Animals: Part 5. Two guests arrive - one relevant, one completely forced.

• 0:05 Henry might have been sarcastic, you know…
• 0:18 Misuse of “it’s”? Check.
• 0:23 And he’s clever enough not to be pestered by length-extending cartoon clips.
• 1:11 You have way too many friends for your own good, do you know that?
• 1:27 See what I meant earlier about Timon and Pumbaa?
• 1:38 Talk like an imported foreign film!
• 1:42 *notices the comma* Rabbit’s the narrator!
• 2:16 The bees, of course.
• 2:17 Stop making this thing longer!
• 2:29 Woah, getting into Henry’s show really didn’t do Fifi well.
• 2:47 Because this is a cartoon segment, don’t expect Tigger to make any comments.
• 3:30 WHAT?!
• 3:34 You’d be able to tell if you read the web address.
• 3:36 ORANGE: I’m Cartoon Network’s latest abomination!
• 3:41 And yet you didn’t know much of the characters you first met?
• 3:55 Blinky the ghost? How much more characters do we need to ruin this documentary?
• 3:58 Tennessee was right - Annoying Orange is the narrator.
• 4:04 You tell him, Henry. And tell that to the rest.
• 4:33 ORANGE: And their butts were the inspiration for my comedy! Nyahahahahahahaha!
• 5:04 At least you’re helping the poor narrator’s intelligence improve.
• 5:30 The orange would never think up a joke THAT bad!
• 6:20 And now Peach and Toad are characters in this video! Aargh!
• 6:36 And Peach is the narrator.
• 7:27 How is that even remotely a joke?
• 7:46 I dunno, Dwayne Johnson?
• 8:01 Wasn’t he on the moon?
• 8:44 Couldn’t you say “just like” instead of “that reminds me of”? It shortens down the subtitles.
• 9:36 And you didn’t do that any earlier?
• 9:46 1. *facepalm* The spelling… 2. Garfield, don’t you hate mice, and rats for that matter?
• 10:14 Notice the change in subtitle font?

Pooh’s Adventures of Amazing Animals - Poisonous Animals: Part 4. I could only imagine seeing this in science class.

• 0:06 The subtitles are covering up the detail!
• 1:19 Don’t you especially hate it when this happens?
• 1:27 *sips* All the parts I’ve riffed so far have this. God damn it.
• 1:40 We got a genius here!
• 1:44 …who happens to be talking to himself.
• 1:52 “Say, it’s rings are just like the OTHER coral snake, only this one seems to be red, yellow and black. Not t*cuts to next shot* PEOPLE. LIKE. THIS.
• 2:23 Another case of the sudden font change.
• 2:53 Uh, 1:52?
• 3:23 Winnie the Pooh, of course!
• 3:29 Any spider could remind you of her.
• 3:41 Another example of how rushed the appearances are - we don’t even get to see that much of Pumbaa!
• 3:48 Which I’m not, as all these pointless cartoon appearances keep blocking the way of my education.
• 4:12 Poor scorpion…
• 4:29 And now Piglet’s the narrator! So little logic in these videos it’s mind screwing!
• 4:40 It’s not as stupid as this entire video.
• 4:47 I think Timon and Pumbaa are two more of the only fitting characters. There really isn’t any need for the sponge so far.

Pooh’s Adventures of Amazing Animals - Poisonous Animals: Part 3. Poor, poor Garfield…

• 0:05 And these toons couldn’t even accompany the cartoon sequence, which was a hell of a lot more entertaining than the edited parts of this video.
• 0:16 Translation: Bark bark bark. *panting*
• 0:39 Please say that to every crossed-over character in this video.
• 0:44 Excuse me, but didn’t Shy just tell everyone to let the narrator finish?
• 1:21 *bangs head on the desk* Yup! That’s education right there!
• 2:00 *sips* He’s not your cousin, Chumley.
• 2:16 “That means to blend one of your colors in with the background, or ano*cuts to next shot* This too?
• 3:03 Punctuation…
• 3:17 Shut up, cat who can’t even spell "hibernation” right.
• 3:33 He could’ve used that for every scene if he had to.
• 3:53 There’s so much dialogue to rip off!
• 4:50 The repetition here is even more blatant than before.

Pooh’s Adventures of Amazing Animals - Poisonous Animals: Part 2. The “documentary” begins!

• 0:24 And that smart one is not the guy who thought this would be a good idea.
• 0:59 Just imagine if these people took on Life in a Day.
• 1:37 Oh. It’s everyone’s favourite porn star.
• 1:50 MOWGLI: I’m a gecko? Well, you’re a marmoset!
• 1:58 Wouldn’t “distant relative” be a smarter phrase?
• 2:12 Subliminal Woody. We even got to hear him speak.
• 2:21 He’s going to hypnotise the viewer to make more crappy crossover videos. And it’s going to be sexy.
• 2:29 Don’t boost it up a notch!
• 2:35 This musical number is distracting any interest provided by the nature footage.
• 3:04 Garfield’s the narrator? *angry face*
• 3:22 So, you’re assuming Kaa is real? What’s even going on here?!
• 3:26 Um, 1:52?
• 3:29 Yeah! Leave the gecko out of this! Henry the Man Cub does not deserve such cruelty!
• 3:41 Tigger’s right.
• 4:10 You said one of them was your cousin.
• 4:20 There are so many people getting educated by this that I’m actually feeling dumber.
• 4:41 *crickets chirp*
• 4:44 And now Spongebob’s the narrator? This is blowing my mind. Illegally.
• 4:59 It saddens me how stupid Garfield is in the eyes of YakkoWarnerMovies.
• 5:20 Not as long as the clips interrupting this video in total.
• 5:33 *sips*
• 5:39 Poky! Look the hell away!
• 6:09 And why isn’t there a gasping montage?
• 6:32 It’s that again…
• 6:36 Good thing someone survived the dumbing down of the gang.
• 7:02 Tennessee, did you not say that you know that snakes can be milked?
• 7:06 You don’t really shake your head when saying “yea”.
• 7:16 If we only had one side character, then everyone will actually learn something!
• 7:32 Pooh’s probably one of the only characters in this crossover that makes some form of sense.
• 8:19 Sigh.

For those of you who may not know, Amazing Animals was one of Dorling Kindersley’s many educational series, made into a TV show co-produced with the Disney Channel and starring a CG gecko named Henry. Among the documentary footage provided of wild animals, there were also 2D cartoon segments and a bunch of other animal characters. You heard me - Disney, CG gecko, 2D cartoon segments. And you know what that means - from the creator of the double feature of overblown terror, Pooh’s Adventures of Amazing Animals - Poisonous Animals!

• 0:52 And there’s the dated Nickelodeon logo, put in there for the same reason as The Little Mermaid 2.
• 1:08 What frame rate!
• 1:26 So much companies, and you didn’t even take out the last ’s’.
• 1:51 Subliminal Pongo.
• 2:00 Isn’t it blatantly obvious why Yakko chose this?
• 2:15 I will admit this - this really should’ve been part of the Simba, Timon and Pumbaa’s Adventures series. Pooh doesn’t do crap about anything, anyway.
• 2:35 Even the VHS can’t take it.
• 3:22 I wanted to learn about nature, not this scene again!
• 3:47 And yet you’re supposed to be in a white background.
• 3:59 Hey, wait a minute. You forgot to introduce the play!
• 4:10 It’s the screencap I used on my first ever post to this blog!
• 4:35 *sobs*
• 5:13 At least the obvious is taking over bad editing.
• 5:47 That scene lasted about a minute and 12 seconds, and it’s going to return soon enough.
• 5:55 The Hundred Acre Wood. Where else do you think you are?
• 6:17 It really is Pooh’s Adventures of Ghostbusters all over again at this point.
• 7:13 Prepare for a lot of dumbing down.
• 7:21 If a kid watched this, would he be watching a modified comedy, or a documentary?
• 7:30 I’m sorry, but I’m not learning anything from this. I’m just distracted by the excessive reaction shots.
• 8:26 You can’t even spell “lizard” right.
• 8:28 Okay, everyone. Be prepared. The drinking game’s gone to this clip.

Pictures from an upcoming “TV series”, Simba, Timon, and Pumbaa’s Adventures Chronicles. Yes, even those terrible singers are involved. And it’s been almost a year…

(Source: poohadventures.wikia.com)

Benny, Leo and Johnny’s Adventures of Beauty and the Beast: Part 8. The rather obnoxious finale!

• 0:02 AAAAAAAAAARGH
• 0:08 WHY WOULD YOU ENJO*looks at the dislikes* Hmm…
• 0:18 You’re ruining the surprise!
• 0:56 Oh, that’s just bland.
• 1:35 Finally, some of them don’t sound so bored anymore.
• 3:27 Except for your voice.
• 5:19 Greatness ruined by Gary Stus.
• 7:54 And that soul was overpowered by a bunch of El Arca fans.
• 8:08 A match made in hell.

Okay, so this movie was quite different from the rest. I may have created such gunk as Finding Riraty, but if there’s anything I have to say about this, then it’s this - the contrast between subtitles and dubbing was concerning, the character development was wiser than your average Pooh’s Adventure video but still typically stupid, the singing was bad, any humour the classic once had is spoiled by the unfunny furry scenes, the singing is bad, the Rafiki impersonation is bad, the singing is terrible, the video splicing is faulty, the singing is a disgrace, the extra storytelling is insane, and the singing is torture. I guess I could do worse, but then again, I review movies that have better cinematography than mine.

• Faith to the Pooh’s Adventures formula: 
• Gary Stus: 
• Drinking games: 
• Bad singing: 
• El Arca: 

Overall: 2.6/5

0.48/10. I can definitely see the appeal in this video, but even for someone who’s wasted his life drawing mutants with eating disorders, which things like this make me kind of regret, it’s basically a waste of, erm, talent. It could’ve been more interesting if it didn’t obsess over the character design of an otherwise heavily offensive film, and wasn’t even a Pooh’s Adventures video, but not by a mile. Like a handful of other crossover adventure videos, it does not turn the movie into a pleasant experience, no matter how okay the editing is in comparison. But it’s also a video that makes you feel some kind of regret for filling up the page with useless commentary. Because I can’t draw that well and I… I… Um, see me next time when I riff on a worthier video. And remember, kids…

Benny, Leo and Johnny’s Adventures of Beauty and the Beast: Part 7. The far-too-epic-for-its-own-good battle!

• 0:37 I must ask again: Why isn’t the yellow tiger the villain?
• 1:02 BELLE: How about I show you my newfound companions?
• 1:38 Stop acting. Please.
• 2:11 They weren’t as concerned over the humanoid cats and monkeys?
• 2:34 Says the guy who hung out with a talking lynx.
• 4:04 Aren’t you guys forgetting something?
• 5:26 There’s going to be scene in which the mob is confused as to which beast they should kill, isn’t there?
• 5:54 Had this been Pooh’s Adventures instead, we’d instead expect Tigger to say that.
• 7:25 What a very lazy entrance.
• 9:14 *slams his head against the wall as he would usually do*
• 9:30 *groaning* I am so excited.
• 9:33 Uhm, huh?
• 10:15 You know why that scene with Gaston and Beast was so suspenseful? Because it wasn’t this.
• 10:24 Plus the fact the original voice actors could actually, well, act.
• 10:56 And I thought Kickassia was obnoxious. *hears the booing*
• 11:23 His ability to control fire is far greater than his ability to sound menacing.
• 12:38 *rolls his eyes*
• 13:19 Forget the death of the Beast, this is the true tearjerker!

Benny, Leo and Johnny’s Adventures of Beauty and the Beast: Part 6. You really don’t have to read this commentary anymore. This video really isn’t quite as horrible as Pooh’s Adventures.

• 4:40 At the least, I got treated to a song that Disney forgot to add to this year’s re-release, not interrupted by furries until the very end.
• 4:47 Keep in mind that before this, the gang took over Dumbo.
• 6:08 And why does Talon get subtitled and not Rafiki or anyone from El Arca?
• 6:25 Okay, that was one of the most forced transitions I’ve ever seen.
• 6:59 Those outfits must look very uncomfortable. They froze them!
• 7:19 …Saturday Morning?
• 7:22 Get back in the audience, Chuckles.
• 8:21 In the words of a bear we used to love until he became a douchebag and started dominating a thousand movies, “Oh, bother”.
• 8:48 What’s especially jarring is that their singing is higher in quality than Mrs. Potts’.
• 9:01 *cries and tears up all his furry artwork from the past*
• 9:21 This isn’t as beautiful as it is hilarious.
• 12:15 THERE JUST ISN’T ENOUGH OF THIS
• 13:05 Stating the obvious? Check.
• 13:15 No, it’s not. It’s because of the talking household appliances.
• 14:01 See what I meant earlier? Why not have him poke out from the right? It would still be stupid, but it would at least be less confusing.

Benny, Leo and Johnny’s Adventures of Beauty and the Beast: Part 5. Prepare for a story that starts like Beauty and the Beast, and concludes like Freddie as F.R.O.7.

• 0:10 What am I watching again?
• 1:20 Brace yourselves…
• 2:21 So, what about the rest of the gang? What happened to them? Were the El Arca gang nothing more than God’s pervertedness?
• 2:34 *drips water on his eyes to look like tears*
• 4:21 Now, back to the almost real deal.
• 4:36 Especially back to one of the stupidest sidekicks in a Disney film.
• 6:35 Here comes an epic snowball fight!
• 7:10 *eats his popcorn*
• 9:19 You can’t even do that with Movie Maker.
• 9:30 Neither can I!
• 11:45 Just when I was feeling happy.
• 12:07 Hey, it’s funnier than El Arca.
• 12:46 And by that, someone meant “Leave the movie alone”.

Benny, Leo and Johnny’s Adventures of Beauty and the Beast: Part 4: This part got a dislike and not Heath’s godawful singing?

Oh…

• 0:10 It’s a chain reaction of laziness!
• 1:08 *leaves his count alone* Eh…
• 1:17 You could hire pest control.
• 1:24 Please do this technique more often, so that we know Belle isn’t talking to the dead!
• 2:03 This is what happens when piracy goes this far.
• 3:18 Classic animated musicals and movies with jokes about animal crap and the utter of “big boobs” don’t mix!
• 3:26 Classic animated musicals and cartoons about Oz, well, go ahead…
• 5:21 Classic animated musicals and classic animated musicals? As long as they’re Disney and both from the same era…
• 5:23 Classic animated musicals and this? *sigh*
• 5:40 It would’ve been more amazing if you weren’t there to wreck it.
• 6:14 LUMIERE: Zut alors! What have they done to you, poor Rafiki?!
• 6:43 Dumb repetition? Check.
• 6:50 Panty doesn’t sound quite right…
• 6:52 Hear that, Carl? *stares in fury*
• 7:01 Guess those words really got to him…
• 7:41 Something that should be said in every single one of these videos.
• 7:45 COGSWORTH: *pauses as he looks up* Lumiere, they really got us this time.
• 10:12 BELLE: Oh, dear. Two of the ones I know are cursed!
• 11:03 And you! Get out of the movie!
• 11:25 Benny can fly!
• 11:27 A clip with bad frame rate and snow with better… just… *facepalm*
• 11:41 JOHNNY: How’d those things become more popular than us, anyway?
• 12:35 Oh,
• 12:38 CRAP.
• 12:46 *takes glasses off* I always knew Furry-D couldn’t do your head good!
• 12:55 They only picked up one human? That is just wrong. Well, think about it.
• 13:00 It already got messy.
• 13:54 Never, EVER, let a Gary Stu into a Disney movie.
• 14:39 We have an Oscar contender, ladies and gentlemen!

Benny, Leo and Johnny’s Adventures of Beauty and the Beast: Part 3. Get ready for the worst singing you’ve heard in an animated film.

• 0:06 *mutes “Belle” and adds a subtitle saying “popularity”*
• 0:10 Who, the prince or the Gary Stu?
• 0:59 Belle sounds rather ill.
• 1:09 In even the most advanced Pooh’s Adventures videos, it would be a cliché to ask what people like the one behind that lion are doing when they’re not even on the cast list.
• 1:37 In even the most advanced Pooh’s Adventures videos, eye contact isn’t a virtue.
• 2:33 Just when I thought I could save time!
• 2:48 Okay, that is nothing you’d see everyday in these videos.
• 2:54 *goes downstairs to get some tomatoes*
• 3:19 *comes back up and throws them*
• 3:35 *gets a cane ready*
• 3:44 There. Now I can have something to enjoy.
• 4:01 *hears footsteps* Oh, no.
• 4:35 Okay, I think I’m going to have to regret what I said about voices being better than subtitles.
• 4:43 -20 points for you!
• 5:01 I’m surprised the reaction to this wasn’t as bad as Friday.
• 5:15 I think this could explain a lot.
• 5:28 GASTON: No one’s ears bleed like Gaston’s!
• 6:27 GASTON: Well, I’ve seen crazier! *looks at the animal standing next to him*
• 7:18 You know what they say - Boo! Hiss!
• 7:56 You know what’s even less possible? Your new “friends”.
• 9:04 At least you’re not having dinner with Heath Lynx.
• 9:25 They’re not dead after all!
• 9:37 Yep. She’s definitely lost her freedom, earlier than she lost her father…
• 9:41 *looks at his “and friends” instance count* Still one?
• 10:29 Humour ruined.
• 11:14 I’m still not seeing enough of these characters. I expected more green-screening!
• 12:07 If BowserMovies were to make this, then I’d be seeing: “If (they don’t) eat with me, then (they don’t) eat at all.”
• 12:15 Shut up, Rafiki, and lay off the booze. *takes a sip of ginger ale*
• 12:36 Why are all the El Arca characters so nice to each other?

Benny, Leo and Johnny’s Adventures of Beauty and the Beast: Part 2. I wonder why Disney didn’t find this on the day of the 3D release…

• 6:35 The fun doesn’t begin until this point. 
• 6:48 Some of you actually do come from the past. When do you think Noah built that ark? 2012?
• 7:15 One of those rare instances of actually using some sort of blue screen.
• 7:37 You think that’s disgusting? Take a look at the stripping scene in your movie.
• 7:57 Woah! That Rafiki impersonator surely has imprWait a second.
• 8:12 This thing is becoming more and more generic…
• 8:38 Still, better than having a subtitle say “All: And stay out!”
• 9:09 You just don’t sound villainous enough.
• 11:06 Oh, once they get inside, this is going to be the courtroom drama of the century!
• 11:35 Kermodey Gawd!
• 11:49 One. Remember what I said earlier?
• 12:13 *rolls eyes* Ugh…
• 12:52 Where is he, who is he? He looks kind of like DangiHe is Dangino. Tut tut tut…
• 13:14 Next I’d want him to say, “Oh my goodness! It’s my idol!”
• 13:59 Such quality…
• 14:07 BELLE: Sorry, but I don’t usually listen to cardboard cut-outs.
• 14:41 Well, duh. Benny’s an OC. This coming from the guy who’s been stuck with a Hamtaro-style character for 6 years.